Well, I hadn't intended on waiting this long to blog again. Wow. I was trying to be better about it, but life definitely gets in the way.
In the back half of May, I went back to the US to go on vacation with my family. They go to the beach every May, and I've missed the last couple of years. Between that, and given how stressful living in another country (and being a Navy wife) can be, it was kinda therapeutic being back there again! It had been three years, but we'd gone every year for so long, everything was so familiar and welcoming! It was very nice. I also have a tendency to be able to think more clearly while there, I think because you have nothing to do, nowhere to be, etc. I always get my best thinking done there.
June has kept me busy, as Neal got promoted at work, and the transition time has been a bit hectic. He is home every weekend now though, so it's nice to be able to count on that. And once he gets things in order and things on base settle down, he'll be home at a decent hour every night, and that will be wonderful!
The pregnancy is going well, clipping right along, and I'm now hitting the nesting stage. I've been cleaning like a mad woman, trying to organize rooms and get rid of unnecessary junk, and just keeping things neat in general. I've been meaning to do it for a while now, but the looming arrival of a newborn has a great way of motivating you to finish projects!
In the last few weeks however, I've been much more introspective about my life. I think, again, the idea of a newborn coming and all the responsibilities that come with it make you think about things in a whole new way. I've not been the happiest person while being in Italy. The hardest part is feeling so isolated from my family and friends, but also with the base closing and losing a lot of services, I feel so useless and bored at times. We honestly planned on me at least having the ability to work part time while here, just to keep busy and have some play money. But that never panned out. Being a stay-at-home wife can get boring at times, as there's only so much cooking/cleaning you can do, even in a big house. I wasn't all that motivated to make friends before because of a few bad experiences when we first got here. And I think I got depressed and let the house get out of order, along with life.
As I start getting things in order, I think it makes me start thinking of what else I want organized in my life. Though I love the idea of being a mommy full time, I know I want to do more with my education. Whether that means getting a masters' degree, or just taking classes to be able to sit for the R.D. exam, I know I want to do something. I do feel that in a way I'm wasting my degree that I worked so hard to finish. I don't want to just be able to say that I got it, but that it's being put to some good use. I get frustrated that I didn't have a clue what I wanted to do when I went into college (well, I did, but it wasn't feasible at the time), and I majored in whatever I thought I'd enjoy. While I loved my college major, I wish I had really taken the time to research, because I know now that I would've majored in Nutrition instead of Food Science, or some combination of the two. Looking back, I think it's ridiculous that my school separated the two.
Long story short, I feel that I am in some sort of "holding pattern" in life. And I know that last time I said that, trying to change things through my own strength only made things worse, with years of drama and unnecessary pain and grief. Though I've learned my lesson with not forcing things, it is hard to wait and let God do what he's going to do. It's hard to see my husband work so hard with so little notice or reward. It's hard to sit around at home, feeling like I'm doing nothing. And it's very hard to pick yourself up out of the pity party and let God take you where he wants you to go.
But writing this only makes me realize how large of a pity party I've thrown, and that I have no excuse not to have a better attitude about things. After all, God is in control, and I know that this is all for our good, and will work out perfectly in the end.
How many times has He proven that to me in the past?